[Patsplace]

I’m nearing 66 and my husband is 78 with COPD, so most of the chores fall to me, but hey that’s just life and you just keep moving ahead and thanling God for every day.

[LanaMcAra]

What a great thread. My Heritage is deeply rooted in the Amish culture, although I was never Amish myself. I grew up working in the garden, canning, freezing and cooking good food. At that point, I had no idea that other people didn’t do the same. I married someone that I worked with, who was a hard worker. What I didn’t know is that he was a couch potato at home. Absolutely no interest in any of the activities that I thought were normal. So, I let a lot of things go and focus on raising our seven children. Now that the kids are grown and gone and I’m on my own, I just bought a one acre beautiful property and I’m so excited to get back to my roots. Doing this single is a challenge. I’m thankful for good neighbors who have advice for me and also helping hand when I need it. I’ve hardly got my feet on the ground but I am so grateful to be where I can see Farm pasture every direction. So glad to be a part of this community. God bless you all.

[Helene65]

Yikes! This is so hard to marry someone lazy at home, with no normal pursuits–just tv watching or gaming. Esp to then raise kids with, being modeled only this. It’s truly sad. I’m so glad you’re out of that tension & frustration now. To life!

[Sandra]

Someone got to pay the bills, so my husband has a full time job and has overtime sometimes, it’s not an easy job, very physical. For now it’s up to me to do what I can with the garden and animals. Think thats the way it is with a lot of people trying to make things work as best as we can. One day at a time, do what you can, it will add up, step by step…….

[Art]

You and Patsplace bring up another aspect of homesteading. While you’re being tasked with taking care of the homestead, you’re also still having to cook and clean for two people. Will say an extra prayer for those like y’all.

I thank you both for speaking up. I admit my original thoughts were for us single folks.

[SoulEz]

Yes, I understand this very well. Very difficult around harvest time to utilize everything harvested. I have learned not to schedule my camping trips when I know there are vegetables and fruit to can or freeze, because no one else will be doing it while I’m gone. I also have to come to terms of what I can handle and what I cannot as arthritis takes its toll on my body. Mentally, I think I can still do it all, but my body kicks me in the tush reminding me I can not. So you adapt and adjust and go on the best you can. I type this as i sit hooked up with a TENS unit for a back spasm.

[Art]

I totally understand … My 18 year old spirit finds it difficult to accept that I just can’t do a lot of the same things anymore. 🙂

[AiNt-RiTe-Acres]

My TENS is my 2nd BFF… wifey is my first lol. She carries allot of the load. I do what I can but it often ends with ice packs and the TENS cranked up high.

Those of you doing it alone or carrying the load because your other half can’t…. you have my utmost respect.

[SoulEz]

Me and my TENS also BFF. Allows me to function and not roll up into a painful bedridden ball for days on end. Spent 15 years not knowing about the TENS, and forgot what pain free was. No meds here!

[AiNt-RiTe-Acres]

Working away from the meds but still very dependent on them. I was born with a reverse curve in my neck which over time pinched my spinal column causing nerve damage. Along with deterioration in my disc’s and vertebrae, spurs etc to name a few I’m medicated to be at a “tolerable” pain level as the docs call it. I have fusions in my neck but no one wants to touch the rest of my spine. Wifey stays terrified I’ll wind up paralyzed but for me sitting around is just as bad. I started working as a kid and not working just goes against my grain. Even when sitting still I’m usually online in my veterans groups helping others find the resources they need. Sometimes the hands don’t want to work so I switch to voice to text. That’s aggravating though because my smart phone doesn’t speak southern lol.

I figure we all have a struggle of some sort we must overcome be it physical, mental, emotional or spiritual. Sometimes I wish I had a TENS unit to zap me in the right spots for the latter three lol.

I still consider myself a blessed man though. 2 of my kids grew up while I was at work and my middle one grew up halfway without me. Because I became disabled I was given the privilege of helping my middle son usher towards adulthood and watch my younger son n daughter grow. Most parents miss out such things these days so I consider myself blessed to be here now. If it means ice packs, heatpads and TENS then I can live with that. By the way… I’ve found the TENS works best when watching a youngin climb a tree or a silly dog chase a butterfly. 🥰

[SoulEz]

Take care of yourself and keep on keepin’ on. I too had worked for 40+ years assisting people with all types of disabilities stay as independent as possible in their own homes, (not nursing facilities) using a combination of services, assistive devices, and good ole common sense. Now, retired I find that work experience has been helpful, still, to others,including myself. Thanks for your service and help to others.

[Helene65]

I have a pinched nerve at my C3&4 caused by a bone spur, so I relate. I never felt the TENS did much if at all. Chiro doesn’t touch it. Massage did zero. Of course pain meds don’t touch nerve pain so I’m just in pain (unless I go to Rxs and I’m not). I’ve lost most my finger and hand strength even on opposite side now (of course my affected side too) as the overcompensation has led to injury and/or I’ve developed more pinched nerves. My arm strength is moot as pain will result so I don’t go there but for absolute need like working as a salesclerk/stocker. I used to be quite strong compared to friends that had husbands.

Sry to ramble, just was like HEY someone who gets it!

[Squashmania]

Thank you thank you thank you for this thread!! I just about cried when I read it. The husband doesn’t help, so I have a full time nurse job (with on-call), AND mowing, gardening, animals (small only) and cleaning. Just got new gutters and a roof put on and painted the outside of the house this summer….also solo. He won’t eat “real” food, so cooking is minimal. He eats out a lot. But if the food supply goes south, I am trying my best to get ready. Dehydrating all the extra produce to make “veggie chips”, fermenting, freezing, pickling, pressure canning, water bath canning. Just about ready to bury kim-chi in the back yard🤣. The pond has fish. We back to park land, so deer is in abundance. Dehydrating teriyaki deer jerky today. I have to remember that others do this solo every day and God is sufficient and wants us to lean on Him. Keep the faith everyone. The future of everything is in our hands.

[Wendy]

LOL, he will eat real food. That’s what I tell mine who stick their noses up….when you’re hungry – you will make, process and be happy to eat ‘that’ food. Bless you and kudos to you – hang in there. I went through the same thing, not w/a husband, but with others. Finally decided I was going to stop worrying about it and do what I felt I needed to do. With blinders on. Single purposed. (He’ll be glad you did in the end.)

[Art]

@Squashmania

Trust me on this … If you’re starving, you’ll eat anything that doesn’t eat you first. So, Hubby better get
prepared to bless you and the Lord that’s there food on the table if things keep going the way they are.

With that said … Please watch after your own health. It won’t help if you’re down for a while.

God Bless …

[ANH]

While reading this post was as if I wrote it. I’m married to a man I never see. I do everything from seeding to harvest to canning etc. Lawn work, house work, vehicles, animals, etc. I finished up at 130 in the morning after canning 4 bushels of tomatoes. Just to be back up at 6 to start other vegetables. You’re not alone. It’s tough, but at the end of the day just pray.

[Art]

Prayer & Patience is the key.

[Squashmania]

Thanks for your kindness Art.

[Squashmania]

God loves you Sis! I would totally hug your neck if we met. I was shucking corn in the dark last night 😊 I have a theory that recalcitrant spouses are part of God’s lesson on leaning on Him, as well as progressive sanctification. Iron sharpens iron. And I feel like this site/forum has been a gift from God to connect and encourage.

The ox is slow, but the earth is patient.

[ANH]

It’s hard to believe now, but 10 years ago when I got married, I wasn’t religious, so your theory may be true. The little things make it all worth it. My daughter was so amazed that there was corn in these green things that I had in my kitchen! She helped me do the whole bag.

[Art]

“corn in those green things” … I just had to smile. 😉

[BiggKidd]

Great thread!

I’ve raised two girls here by myself since 2011 and single parenting and homesteading is tough. Especially when the kids and their mom didn’t think they should have to help around the place. It turned out to be easier to just do everything I can by myself and let the rest slide. Yeah I know that’s not right but it is what it is. So here I sit on my off grid homestead on 36 acres with one daughter still at home for another year or so. I’ve only gone out once or rather with one person in all that time and that was many years ago. I’d love to find the right person or single parent to share this place with. I will NOT give anyone else a free ride though. Which is a large part of why I gave up on trying to date. I just keep on plugging along and one day I’ll get everything done or die trying.

[Art]

My hat’s off to you. Raising two girls is an accomplishment in itself. I only had one son that was without a mother but I did have two sisters. 🙂

[AiNt-RiTe-Acres]

I understand you completely. I got custody of my daughter when she was 6 months old. I was on my own for five years outside of my mom helping when her health aloud. I wasn’t homesteading but I was juggling a 50 hour work week, reserve duty, daycare, Dr appointments, taking care of the car, the house my girl etc and without any financial help from her missing mom or the government … you probably understand that yourself. Oh and I know all about ER visits where the doc says “has her mom noticed any symptoms” because hey you’re just the dad and all that biassed nonsense.

When my wife and I met she knew I wanted a partner and wouldn’t settle for less. I’d already proven I could take care of myself and my daughter on my own. I didn’t need anyone to cook for me, clean for me or pay my bills. She knew that me having a partner was a choice and not a requirement. She also knew I married her out of love and not necessity. Being a mom was a new thing for her but she dove in headfirst and never looked back. She blessed me with four more wonderful kids and 23 years of marriage and counting. These days she carries more weight and responsibilities because of my disabilities. However she handles it to the best of her abilities because she’s my partner and I’m grateful God blessed me with her.

One day if your interested you’ll find a partner and having her around will be a choice. It’ll be a choice you’ll both appreciate as long as she wants a true partner. Good like my friend and keep doing what you do. If you raised two girls on your own and faced them through puberty your a strong man lol.

[MJ-WIsconsin]

Wow!! My hat goes out to all of you! I had 3 acres and found myself alone, not by choice. I tried for a year to maintain it but I started having accidents and getting hurt. I came to the realization I just couldn’t do it. I ended up buying a house on a small lot in a little town. My neighbors are very nice, I have my garden beds and I’m looking into getting chickens. I’m doing what I can for the space that I have but I do have to admit I do miss my land. My mind wants to go back but I know physically I can’t do it alone. I guess I’m still trying to find my happy space.😊🤔

[JerseyGiantChick]

Do ñot worry, it is like a constant battle and you have to find your way that works for you.

After a good pregnancy, a emergency Caesarean section our son hat to struggle for his first years. We can write a book, what a time and we are still not there yet. But he is doing fine so far, a lovely young boy our proud and joy.

Lost controle over the garden, but little by little won it back again. Before the birth, took al poison plants out, for a good reason. It was a child friendly garden, but grown out of control.

Turn the family garden and vegetable garden around, so the family garden is up front and vegetable garden at the back. And made a victory or kitchen garden by the kitchen , layout is market gardening. Now it looks like a garden again and gives fruit, my husband still wants to give up but he is seeing to what I am working to. If he would only help out more and be less of a potato couch. But not gonna push him, just letting him run free and do his things.

Let us say it is not like the deep south everywhere, but we all have our struggles. Hang on there and keep you head up!

[GrannyH]

I to fight an uphill battle. My hubby has dementia, so we have good days & bad days. His back is all messed up from years of hard work. So most everything falls onto me. When it comes to mechanicing he still remembers how but I have to be right there to keep guiding him & taking up the slack. He has to have his long nap after lunch to be able to stay functional. We have learned what works & adapted to that.

I have always been a homesteader, and have always had supplies. I can, dehydrate, garden, hunt & process what is killed. I have been called a hoarder & doomsdayer but now everyone is seeing the light! But I am an old hillbilly & I have been through hard times!

The hubby will say no you aren’t doing that but I keep on doing what I need to do! Then after it is done he acts like it was all his ideal. Oh well as long as it all gets done & we are stocked up & prepared the best we can be! Lord help us all!!🙏🏻♥️🇺🇸♥️🙏🏻

[Tx_Ncgirl]

Hi GrannyH go online duckduckgo search and search Medbeds I think you will be Encouraged. Keeping you in prayer

[Patsplace]

My husband has early alzheimer’s, but still likes to tinker with lawn mowers etc

I have learned to take lots of pictures when he is disassembling anything!😁

[AiNt-RiTe-Acres]

You know what… that’s a very loving thing you do. My wife has struggled with my disabilities sometimes more than I have. My back, neck and joints are all shot to name a few things. Plus the doc once told her the wrong movement or weight could paralyze me. That terrifies her but she learned that after being high functioning sitting back and watching was slowly killing me. I have to do … even if it’s only a little… I have too. Unfortunately the meds I’m on to sustain me at a “tolerable” pain level often mess with my head especially my short term memory. Recently I had to change a water pump on the old truck. Use to that would’ve been a few hours or in this case a couple days due to broken bolts and ordering specialty tools. It turned into a week though with my body demanding breaks. (Along with her demanding them lol) I too rely often on my camera phone to keep me on track. Not being able to trust your mind is terrifying. Having someone who understands and loves you through it is a gift.. you are obviously his.

[msjoann]

My husband has recently started facing cancer and I suddenly realize the need to learn things that I never knew how to do because I always relied on him. I say to myself, “Dummy, why didn’t you trying to learn all along”😂.

[TagNBee]

This is very important. I tell Bee this all the time. Learn as much as you can. My prayer are with you

[msjoann]

Thank You so much for your prayers.

[AiNt-RiTe-Acres]

Part of my reasoning for encouraging Krista (aka wifey) to learn was not just because it took weight off of my shoulders but from facing a period of inexperience myself. From the time I was 13 on I spent various times on my own and cared for myself. Before entering the military I had my own place for two years and kept everything immaculate. I thought I was prepared for anything. Next thing you know I’m a dad. Then the relationship went south, she neglected our daughter and I wound up with custody of a six month old girl. As a guy I was ill prepared, as a first time parent I was overly doting and as a single parent I was initially very overwhelmed. It seemed every time I needed help and asked a female I was talked down to as if I should know the answer or solution already. I despised being treated as ignorant simply because I was a guy. Many of my initial struggles were no different than what a new mom would face. Teething, colic, rashes, yeast infection etc and like a new mom I needed advice, as a dad though I was treated as ignorant and out of my assigned role. Didn’t matter because my girl still depended on me to handle it all and she didn’t care what my gender was at the time she just wanted her gums, gut or butt to feel better.

Later on when I married wifey and she showed interest in doing “guy” things I quickly encouraged it. For one I didn’t want her to feel as I did before, for another I didn’t want any of my kids growing up thinking that gender defined responsibility or ability. In general men and women have roles to which they are naturally more suited for or abilities that say.. come more naturally. It doesn’t mean however that they should be restricted to those roles or that somethings wrong with them if they feel more comfortable or confident in non traditional roles. So encouraging my wife only made since. I’m damn I grateful I did. Now I know with or without me she can manage. A dear friend of mine passed away a year ago and his wife of 20yrs has been struggling to overcome her lack of knowledge because of everything he insisted on doing and she never learned. Sure he kept her protected from financial worries by being the only income and handling all the bills but without him she didn’t even know where to send the mortgage check.

We forget so often that we are partners in our marriage and it can bite us in the butt if we aren’t careful. There’s a certain relief you can only get if you know your partner can manage without you. It also keeps you honest and gives them a joy because they know that they are a choice to be with and not a dependency you require.

I’m quite sad to hear about your husband’s cancer. I’ve lost several I love to that horrible illness. Make sure he stays away from processed sugar because it’s cancers favorite food source. Turmeric is a known cancer fighter so I’d ad that to his diet. As for learning to do all the things you’re use to him doing go ahead and learn all that you can. Knowing and not needing is better than needing and not knowing. Also don’t stress yourself too much because you now have friends and family in this new community who are available to help you through whatever comes your way.

I have you both in my prayers. God will see y’all through this struggle. Learn from your husband and be sure he learns from you as well. More importantly love like there’s no tomorrow because with or without illness it’s never guaranteed.

Love & prayers! Your new friends….

Brian Seago & family

[SilverLining]

Single steading is not easy. I have many dreams of how my place will look, grow, produce using permaculture values. Gardening and preserving take up most of my “extra” time because I also work a full time job. I manage to have a few chickens (layers) and will try to add meat birds soon. I’m building a chicken coop that Justin Rhodes claims took him a day. I’ll be lucky to get it together before winter but I’ll get it done. I keep on pushing on one project at a time.

Be strong in mind and body fellow single steaders. And as Tag says, “Hold the line. Don’t give an inch.”

[Stpdsteve]

Yep, it is not easy. I’ve been blessed though because my mom lives in my house and does the canning. She’s in her seventies so is very limited to what she can do.

[culdesacgrocerygarden]

@Lesa Cut yourself some slack, you are doing awesome! A lot of the people on Youtube have people behind the scenes helping them. I work full time too, it’s not easy! I feel pulled abd pushed in so many directions! The fact that you are building it is incredible. I hope you post pictures of your progress so we can cheer you on, celebrate with you and pat you on the back when you are done.

[BiggKidd]

@Lesa I have to agree you’re getting things done. Biggest lesson I’ve learned in actively doing this for 15 years is PACE YOURSELF! It’s a lot more important not to burnout than to get everything done right now! Next biggest lesson is to avoid taking on to many projects at once. This definitely a case of do as I say not as I do. I am constantly taking on more than I can handle at one time. It shows in all the half completed projects around here. I have a bad habit of getting a project far enough along to use and that’s usually as far as they get never quite done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SilverLining]

Thanks for the encouragement. One bite at a time!

[SilverLining]

@bigkidd Yes I’m a little ADD so I’ve learned to make lists to help me stay focused on which job I’m doing any given day. The list also helps me to see my accomplishments which feels like little wins.

Yesterday, I started by cleaning up the garden. Got most of that done then realized I needed to mow (ran out of gas) so ended they day cutting shrubs off my back fence but it got dark. The first two jobs required going to town which I’m not a big fan of doing. Now I have three projects to finish up after my work week.

I’m wanting to go to the Midwest Preparedness Festival but idk how I’m going to get caught up enough to go. I know I wouldn’t get everything done because let’s face it, we are never done.

One bite at a time.

[BiggKidd]

You know that’s how you eat elephant right? ONE BITE AT A TIME

[SilverLining]

I’ve never ate elephant but that’s what they tell me! It’s my new motto! Otherwise, I’m overwhelmed with all that needs to get done.

[Ole-Man]

What a thread! I’m 51 and divorced with a back broken in 3 places in 90. Louisiana climate is great as long as feeding mosquitoes is your thing and just under 2 acres gives me opportunity. Fact is I cannot do it all, especially when I don’t know what I’m doing. Learning though! Not disabled, just slower than I would like so slowly adding knowledge. Growing small gardens for experience with different plants while mapping out my perma food forest stuff, helping the kids, the ex-wife, other family and the 74 year old widow woman 2 doors down with just about everything. I figure that if I can grow it when the time comes, I’ll get plenty of hungry help. Work until tired, take a break then get up and get retired. Rinse n repeat.

[BiggKidd]

Welcome to the club!

[TCam]

I seen you are in Livingston parish around Watson. I’m in Livingston. I sent you a connect request so we could talk about resting. Ha ha.

[skainsgirl]

Had to laugh about the mosquitos! Just left St Tammany after 26 years and am adjusting to the different climate here in North Louisiana. The mosquitos and gnats are thriving here along with red bugs and ticks. I live right by Lake D’arbonne.

We are pretty much in the same boat. Also, extra prepping in case my kids who are still in St Tammany and Lafourche end up here.

[JulieDogmom]

I am so very blessed to find this thread today. Sometimes it’s hard feeling all alone trying to get things done, make lists, research, keep up the the current chaos going on in the world, think, re-think, prioritize what still needs prepped before the final collapse happens (and I haven’t even gotten to the homestead level yet) take care of the dog, manage bills and appointments. All with no support system (although Jasper is a fantastic therapist and dogtor), no communication with much of the outside world except the great people I chat with online, while the ex (who agreed to go in on this whole prepping journey) primarily ignores everything, will argue about anything and when he does come back into town (except for the 3 months he was out of work) he plants his butt on the couch ignoring that I exist, playing puzzle games on his phone or falling asleep (because he won’t actively do anything about his type 2 diabetes). Some people just won’t wake up, no matter how you try and help. You have to keep moving forward to make the future better and don’t let those people drag you down. Just breathe, pray and thank the Lord Jesus everyday for His blessings and the amazing group of people that created Freesteading and opened up a brighter, more wonderful and freer world where we can all support each other. We may be single(ish) and most days are not easy, but we are NOT alone. I cherish each of you dearly.

[msjoann]

What an encouraging, uplifting attitude you have! Bless You!

[JulieDogmom]

Thank you! I do feel truly blessed, and your kind response emphasizes exactly that. It’s all in how you look at it. We all have our good days, bad days and even ugly days, but ultimately we each learn and develop ways to get through each day feeling like we got something accomplished. I’ve learned so much from the online community over the past couple years that it amazes me. Somebody’s simple video or post that they don’t even realize actually helped solve an issue (mindset, heart set or skill set) another person was having because of a comment, idea, explanation or the way they presented it is profound.

Just one example: In early 2020, I was one of those “must be nice …”, boohoo, poor me people you see in the comments of pretty much any video these days. I knew I had to figure out how to get my financial 💩in a group because I could see where things were heading, but I needed someone to give me ideas or something to at least get me started in the right direction. Researching precious metals videos on ScrewTube, I spent days listening to different creators blather on about things I had little to no knowledge of but not one would explain the HOW-TO for someone in my particular situation. I kept skipping one channel simply because of the channel name. In my mind, there was nothing I was going to learn about precious metals from some ‘kid’ named Pimpy’s Investment Chat🙄 but his channel just kept popping up in my search feed. Finally I said “ok, there’s got to be a reason you keep throwing this at me” so I’ll at least go look so it’ll go away. For one, Pimpy was not a “kid”, and the way he presented information was 180 from every other “expert” I was finding. He’s actually really informative, funny and DETAILED. After a couple of months of me (and everyone else) listening and learning and boohooing from the comments, he got the idea to address this specific “group” of subscribers by making a video geared towards some ideas (with examples) people can do to get started. He was not all unicorns and rainbow farts that video. He was stern and guiding but in a helpful and informative way. All of a sudden my brain kicked in, the clouds opened up and I felt like I finally got the answers I’d been desperately searching for. I put plans in action, made my very first purchase of 2 oz of silver, then my first order of emergency food and I haven’t stopped moving forward in my preparedness journey over the last 2.5 years.

Sometimes it’s surreal to just look around and see everything that’s been accomplished in such a short time. I have been truly blessed. One step at a time, one day at a time and one “bite” at a time (referring to the elephant analogy lol)

[FarmHome]

I’m single and live with 2 family members who both have mobility issues. We live on 4.5 acres with 2 houses. I have a full time job that, fortunately, pays well. I’ve learned that I can’t do everything and do pay to have some things done, like mowing. I had my 100 yr old house moved here and did much of the restoration myself. I quickly figured out I could work on the house or I could work in the yard, but I couldn’t do both. It was easier to find someone to mow. My parents had a big garden, cattle, horses, and chickens. After they were gone, I didn’t do any of that until 2020. After seeing the empty shelves, I figured I’d better start growing some food so I’d know how! No animals at this point, but I live in a rural area where many people keep livestock. The most important thing is that one person can’t do everything. Choose the things that will give you the best return.

[Wilburs-Place]

You spoke right to my heart when you made the comment about having to make a choice working outside in the yard/garden or working inside. I bought a fixer upper on some acres. Everything is dated and the kitchen is halfway demolished at this time. I am replacing windows slowly one at a time because the hours in the day do not allow me to replace windows and look after my garden and chickens at the same time! There is definitely a unique struggle to prioritizing when you’re doing it all yourself!

[culdesacgrocerygarden]

I felt torn about this a year or so ago, felt so guilty about the indoor chores suffering when I was spending so much time outside working in the garden. Then I saw this in my bible:

Proverbs 24:27

Prepare your work outside

And get it ready for yourself in the field;

Afterward build your house and establish a home.

[Ole-Man]

Thank you culdesacgrocerygarden! That quote was needed. Mt house stays a wreck to the point that I don’t like visitors. Not nasty, but last years jacket is still out and I haven’t finished converting the original laundry room into a walk in pantry so I have boxes of canned and dry goods in the living room. My beautiful built-in shelving lol…..

[culdesacgrocerygarden]

Sounds a lot like my house ole-man! No shame in that! Homes are for living in not for show

[FarmHome]

That is absolutely the truth. Fortunately, the world was a different place in the 90s and early 2000s. That gave me the opportunity to concentrate on the house. Now is the time to work on the outside to build up the infrastructure to be more self sufficient.

[BiggKidd]

Love that quote it fits me so well. I have been working on the outside for years and would love to do something with the house I built over a decade ago but never finished. Really needs a woman’s touch, which isn’t likely. lmao

[MorningSun]

It most certainly gets difficult. Many days I make a list that is too much for one day. Prayer and patience is the best remedy.