[Farm-Ranch-Homestead]

I typed this response last night or early this morning, but somehow never posted after I clicked the “Post” button. Well, it may not be quite so timely, but here it is anyway.

Wow, so many stories of victory within this community, even in those cases where a spouse doesn’t do much to help! I wanted to address the OP and offer a suggestion that could possibly work to get you the help you are seeking.

If you have an opportunity to reach out to your neighbors, perhaps you’ll find someone that would be willing to help out on your property in exchange for a small portion of the bounty (a dozen eggs and a few fresh vegetables for instance). They may have a wish to grow their own food, but are reluctant to do so, or perhaps they don’t have the space to do so, or time to figure it all out.

My wife says she wants to get busy on the homestead to help with growing our own food, but from what I’ve seen in the past, her interest wanes very quickly, and I suspect I’ll be doing most of it myself.

I am hoping to convince her brother to move to our place, because all of what I intend to do interests him greatly, and he would be a valuable asset to those efforts. If that doesn’t work out in the end, then I’ll likely be reaching out to some of my neighbors, at least to help with the things I can’t do alone.

From a prepper/survivalist point of view, this is the idea behind a MAG (Mutual Assistance Group). There are people within the group with various skills, knowledge, and abilities, and by sharing those things (along with physical resources such as land, building supplies, or a tractor), the group can accomplish great things together, teach one another, and protect each other when necessary. It’s good to have people like that close by.

[Pintsize_Treasures]

Hey! Thanks for your response and suggestion! I hope that your sweetie maintains her interest!

As for neighbors… well – I have the best farmer’s tan on our road! lol I really never see many of them outside doing anything. I have one neighbor that does the whole farming thing and he’s who I turn to for tractor jobs (at least until I can get one), and I have to send friendly reminders often to get the job done. Others only come outside to get into their cars and off they go – and one REALLY likes the pharmaceuticals sooo, yeah.😕

That would be awesome to live in that type of community though!!

[KansasTerri]

WOW! 3 PAGES!

I am gonna chime in, here.

My dream was to disappear into the Redwood forests and only come out once or twice a year. Yes that is impractical, so I decided to farm.

HIS dream was to watch cities grow.

And we were in love. We did a LOT of talking, and each of us compromised as best we were able.

Once he got his degree in City and Regional planning, we moved out to small cities and we both worked and saved. Life kicked us in the teeth a few times, but we lived at the edge of a small city. I looked West to the countryside and he looked East to his job at at a local city.

And now to answer your question: BETTER LIVING THROUGH BETTER TOOLS! I figure to do things myself, and I do not ask his help very often. I do ask at times, of course

I am in the process of harvesting my third fruit tree. First I harvest from the ground. THEN I use my cane (I am older) to hook the branches to within my reach. THEN I get out my little tractor and use my cane to hook more branches within reach. THEN I get down what I can with a fruit-picking tool (a basked on a stick, sold at most hardware stores. ). THEN I ask for help for the ones that I could not reach and then DH climbs up on the tractor and hands the fruit down.

I see that you turn your compost pile. Really, you do not have to. Personally I put most of the vegetation around the larger plants like tomatos. If it is a few inches deep it keeps the weeds down, and while it rots more slowly, it does rot.

Chicken feed. Now that DH is retired he INSISTS on unloading the feed for me. Honestly, though, I was lucky enough to get an electric scooter chair at a yard sale, and it will pull a little cart. So I used to have the staff put the feed in the back of my little pickup and I would go home. I put the little cart under the tailgate of my pick up and I slide the bags off and they fall onto the cart. I then use my scooter chair to pull the cart to the hen house, and I pull the bags off directly off the cart onto the floor. I then scoop the feed into the mouse-proof garbage cans. At no time do I lift the bags: I did once but I am older now.

Some older people will have the feed put on the passenger side of the car and they will move the feed to the hen house one bucket full at a time. But my way is faster.

LASTLY, I got really sick at one point of my life, and if it were not for my husband’s job with good insurance we would have lost everything. It turned out for the best that he is a die-hard city boy. Good tools are expensive-the tractor cost $6000- but the insurance that my husband carried was priceless.

We have been married for 47 years, now.

[Pintsize_Treasures]

You can’t be stopped girl! Bravo!! Sounds like innovation and determination is key!

My fruit trees are still babies and I can lift feed bags with the best of em but time is working against me and it won’t always be that easy. The way you do things to get the job done makes me smile cause you’re unstoppable!! 😎

None of us know what tomorrow will bring but I feel confident now that if something limits me, it won’t stop me.

Thank you!

[AiNt-RiTe-Acres]

I’m a blessed man myself. When my wife and I got together she was rather timid. We we’re at a restaurant once while were dating and her steak wasn’t cooked right. She said “it’s okay they’re probably busy”. I said hold on now, I respect them being busy but …. I’m paying for this meal and it was ordered a specific way. I told her I didn’t want to be rude with anyone but the money paying for the meal came from my sweat and time. I have every right to want the order to be right! I was polite and she got her steak cooked properly with a free blooming onion. Now normally I pass on the freebies but hey …. it was a blooming onion!

Now… I’m 9 yrs older than her and was a single custodial parent, in the army reserves a steel worker etc when we met. I had a little more life behind me. She’d been through a brief but abusive marriage though. By the time we got married she was finding her footing and her confidence was recovering.

She had a lot of respect for my long hours. She knew I came home exhausted every day and needed weekends to recover especially the one day weekends which were often. So early on when the dryer quit drying and I told her I’d fix it she asked if she could do it instead. I said have it! From there on if something broke, leaked or squeaked she’d ask me how to do it and do it herself. When her little VW bug broke down I came home to find our middle son scooting around in his walker while she sat in the middle of the kitchen floor on an old sheet rebuilding her carburetor with smudges of grease on her face. It was a thing of beauty lol.

Then there we’re times I’d mention on my 9 o’clock break that my tire went flat or alternator went out on the way to work and next thing I know she’s out there at lunch working on it and brought me lunch to boot. My burly co-workers wanted to know what the hell I was doing to make my wife want to be so helpful. They couldn’t believe it was that I simply encouraged her.

Next thing you know it’s 16+ yrs later and I became disabled. Having the wife I have and the good sense to encourage her literally saved our asses. Our money is tight. So when there’s a problem and I can’t do it because I’m too broken we can’t afford to call someone to fix it. Fortunately my beautiful bride already knows or knows how to be guided through it with little input. Now had I married someone to delicate for dirt or afraid of tools or trying we’d be begging folks for food every time something broke down or needed doing. She has her flaws like anyone including myself. Sometimes… well often times I wonder why she’s stuck it out with me. One of her flaws is stubbornness so maybe that’s it lol.

Now we’ve entered a new adventure but we both wanted it. She knows much of the physical is on her. In fact she insists on it. My spinal cord has pressure on it and she fears I’ll be paralyzed one day. Thank you doc for giving her that fear 🙄. Anyhow I do what I can and a little more when she’s not looking 😁 but more often than not I’m sharing the knowledge I have with her or researching it so that in our own way we can get it done.

My hat is off to all of you who do it alone. Being disabled I know how hard it can be to get things done. I know how to look for new ways and I also know how hard it is to ask for help. Especially when you have to ask an uninterested party (we have 5 kids). So those of you doing it on your on, whatever your health, gender or situation…. you have my utmost respect and you’re a great inspiration to others !!!

[HoneysGarden]

My husband is a T-3 paraplegic, due to a nasty car accident about 30 years ago . . . he’s remarkably creative in finding ways to do things from his wheelchair. He has two El Camino’s that he’s modified with hand controls and a lift, so he can transfer from his chair into the car, then lift the chair and swing it around into the bed of the car. He has a large workshop, complete with welder, air compressor, drill press, wood stove, etc. and I’ve watched him work on car engines, boat motors, riding and push mowers (in fact he had the maintenance contract with our local cemetery for a number of years). We have two tractors – one is an old rescue, the other is also but it runs and he uses the PTO for our woodsplitter. He’ll put a heavy eye-bolt into a large piece of wood and use a winch to lift it to the splitter, and has a long handle to manage the control from his chair. He has an electric chainsaw to cut logs into firewood length . . . me, I’m just a helping hand when he can’t quite reach or see something! I do the gardening, cooking and carpentry projects! This picture shows one of the El Caminos in the background.

[AiNt-RiTe-Acres]

❤️❤️❤️❤️

Your hubby sounds like an awesome guy. Definitely inspiring for sure!

[Squashmania]

Looks like you two are quite the team!

[americanroots]

This is such an amazing story. It truly has touched my heart. I love that despite the circumstances, your husband stared adversity in the face and overcame! It takes real courage not to focus on what you lost and no longer have and instead, turn it around and continue to live doing what makes you, you. You and your husband have an inspiring story that would make a good book. I love reading true stories that shift my thinking and have a lasting impact. This is that kind of story. Thank you for sharing. I am praying blessings on you and your family.❤

[HoneysGarden]

That’s why I married him! It certainly wasn’t in my life plan – being an active equestrian, love to dance and travel – I met him when I rented land to keep my horses, got to know him . . . and the rest, as they say, is history!

[Pintsize_Treasures]

Wow! @AiNt-RiTe-Acres and @HoneysGarden , you both have such great inspiration stories! Isn’t it wonderful how God gives us that strength to carry on anyway despite what life throws at us?! It never ceases to amaze me! Thank you for sharing your stories with us!

❤❤❤❤❤

[AiNt-RiTe-Acres]

❤️❤️❤️

[Garden-of-Grace-Homestead]

So, I have to wonder which is worse? A city boy who has no clue or desire to want to learn or help, or a country boy who is set in his ways and ONLY his ways are right! 🤔 This is our 3rd yr working our garden. Tilling and working the soil to aerate is his idea of the best way to garden. And right up as close to the plant as he can get when doing so. Me on the other hand, I’m wanting to do permaculture! Nurture the ground. Not beat it to death! Or us for that matter!! We are both approaching 60 and he just had major colon surgery last year. Needless to say, he’s not back up to par. Anyway, I know he will thank me in the future for saving his back if I could ever get him on board with it. I’ve decided to take over one little 8×8 section of our garden and start covering it with screened wood chips and building up the soil over it. Maybe he will begin to see the difference and he will come around to my way of thinking! lol Then again, he is pretty head strong so we will probably just end up with two different garden plots! 😆

[Two_Turtles_Homestead]

I think you’re heading in the right direction! When we moved onto our property last year and began using permaculture principles (Thank you William @ Perma Pastures) our neighbors thought we were nuts! They kept giving us “advice” about growing “around here” 😆 One even said he didn’t know where to walk because we had stuff growing everywhere and nothing was in a row! Lol we told him that’s the point! They are slowly coming around to what we’re doing. One neighbor has even started his own food forest!! Baby steps! Good luck 👍

[Garden-of-Grace-Homestead]

Thank you! I’m trying! I’m very green when it comes to gardening so I don’t feel like I should butt into the way he has always done things. However, my commonsense brain tells me that permaculture is the best way to grow here in steamy muggy sw TN!! But bless his heart, he is a man and sure does like his big tractor toys! He doesn’t think he looks as sexy on the John Deere mower as he does on the John Deere tractor! 🤣

[JerseyGiantChick]

Maybe a city boy who plays with racetrack is worse? O let me topping it with his comment that is all for our son!

[Garden-of-Grace-Homestead]

I hope it’s at least a real racetrack and not a toy!! I might could be a little understanding about that if it is a real one. I love the sound and smell of the races! Dirt is my favorite. But I like them all. Anything that goes Vroom Vroom and makes my heart pound!!Rofl I hope it’s at least a real racetrack and not a toy!! I might could be a little understanding about that if it is a real one. I love the sound and smell of the races! Dirt is my favorite. But I like them all. Anything that goes Vroom Vroom and makes my heart pound!!

[Summerhat-n-Chicks]

I sooo hear you, I’m almost exactly in the same boat and much that I tried to get him to join in the fun it just doesn’t work and sometimes even ends up in a fight if you’re not careful. The thing is, the more you do and can do by yourself, the more you end up having to do because they know that you can do it alone. The only thing that has ever worked for me was to directly tell him “I can’t do this (or that) alone and need another hand.

But, hey, wish me luck. Just had another argument the other night because “they “ put the whole responsibility of our survival for the next years on our lone shoulders , my husband actually had a break through moment, deleted his FB account and was working in the garage on some projects we had discussed months ago. 😉👍🙏

[SJwill]

In my experience Men are totally different than Women, Thank GOD for that, anyway, If I don’t tell him exactly what you want and need, they sometime don’t know, as mine, he’s not a mind reader and thinks I will hollow when I need help. I try to hollow when sports are not playing 😄 but if that’s the only time I can get his attention to a problem quick, it’s the best time

[Summerhat-n-Chicks]

So true, if you don’t exactly tell them how and what, they’ll mess it up. 🙄

[AiNt-RiTe-Acres]

That’s not a gender thing there. Male or female we all expect things done in a certain way or certain order just because we’re individuals. Prime example…. I had done the dishes both washing and drying then I put them up. What I got was thanks for doing the dishes but you put everything up wrong. Now in my defense I put the pots with the pots, plates with the plates etc and stacked them in what I thought was a sensible fashion. However…… from wifey I got…. this gets used more than that so it goes here, that goes over there cause all though it makes the stack wonky those are a set. So forth and so on. After a couple of rounds of that I decided I’d wash the dishes then leave them in the strainer. For which I got “thanks for doing the dishes but you could’ve put them up”. A few rounds of that and I decided I’d grab my remote before I’d grab a dish rag. Eventually we discussed why and I went back to doing dishes on rare occasions. (I’m disabled, she fusses at me over it if I try plus we have dishwashers umm kids 😉)

Now flip that a bit…. with me being disabled and there being a lot…. I mean a lot to do on our new home with repairs and remodeling wifey does most of it. If she has a question she’ll ask and I’ll guide. Now there’s a whole book full of things I would’ve done differently, using different tools maybe, different fasteners, more stringent measurements etc. I did CNC work for many years so for me a fraction of an inch off is a cardinal sin. For wifey however it is…. “oh that’ll be covered by the trim work”.

So see it does go both ways because we are all different in our ways. Something I really want to point out is wifey and I have learned to accept that we do things differently even when we’re after the same result and that’s okay because we’re still a team. We’ve also learned that if you thank your mate for doing something then preach about how they got it all wrong …. well your mate is more likely to read a book or grab the remote.

[Summerhat-n-Chicks]

Oh how funny, I can so picture you two and know it’s the same in our house . I’ll rearrange the dishes without saying anything anymore and don’t clean up his tools in the garage as it would be just the same for him. 😆 When it comes to the house and construction, this is my field of expertise being an architectural drafter by trade and remodeled/fixed our second home now and come from a farming family. My hubby on the other side, being in the medical field and having a super technical anything with wheels understanding, just can’t get to grips that I know more in certain fields. And there it is, the acceptance of defeat/lack of knowledge of either party for the other has to come from both sides. And the willingness to help each other and trying to learn should also come from both sides and not just getting stuck in front of TV/FB/YT (or whatever it is) and saying this/that is your thing and I’m not helping. Now, I understand that a disability can severely alter the ability to help (my husband is disabled as well though not severely) but there is always this emotional support and simple willingness to wanting to help and maybe asking “what can I help you with?” even if it’s just changing the water or feeding the animals (we only have poultry). I think you can tell that I agree, it is not merely a gender thing, an unwilling spouse is found on both sides, but being a team requires the willingness not only accepting being lead by your spouse, but also acknowledging and supporting the others’ interests and letting them know that ‘you’re not alone in this’.

But it seems that the two of you have figured it out for the two of you. Lucky the two of you !

To so many others, like myself, it’s not quite the case and have to continue the struggle until our unwilling spouse is at least somewhat willing to participate in any way/shape/form.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Summerhat-n-Chicks.

[AiNt-RiTe-Acres]

I certainly hope your hubby finds his way. Sometimes we work with them, sometimes we work around them but we always love them lol.