[skainsgirl]

I understand where you are coming from girl. I find peace in solitude and hard work. I only have to answer to God and myself. But a few months ago, an old video from Deep South popped up on my YT feed with Danny and Wanda talking about how they met. They described how they felt before meeting each other. I cried like a baby. And as I sobbed in the quiet, dark early hours that morning, it finally dawned on me. I hadn’t realized that the angst I felt was loneliness; that kind of loneliness you have from not having a partner who is your best friend. I missed sharing conversation with someone who shared my life. It was lying just beneath the surface of my extremely hectic life, gnawing at my soul. No amount of hard work can fill that void.

The problem is time: time to heal from past hurts, time to meet someone, time to develop trust, time to establish a relationship. I just haven’t figured out yet how to find the time. And yet, time is the answer. Time equals patience. Something most of us are lacking (and by us, I mean me).

I once had a patient tell me that God had told her to tell me, “Stop looking for a man, God is going to send you one.” And He probably tried, but I was probably distracted by whatever loser I had allowed into my life. I look at those points in my life as steppingstones that are leading me to where I need to be. Not because God put them there, I did that, I made those decisions. Us hardheaded folks have lots of steppingstones! lol He is still working on me. And maybe, just maybe, THAT is the hold up. I haven’t become the person that I need to be for the man He has chosen for me.

I don’t have the answers. Like you said, going with my gut but trying to stay open to possibilities. And in the meantime, keeping my nose to the grindstone…alone.